Waiting for Sunrise
by Crimson Trigger
Summary: If only we could see the endless string of consequences that result from our smallest actions. OC Self-Insert
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer (once and for all): I do not own Naruto.**

* * *

 **Waiting for Sunrise**

 **Chapter 1:** _ **Childhood Arc**_

 _ **Realization**_

 _"Why should I fear death? If I am, death is not. If death is, I am not. Why should I fear that which cannot exist when I do?"_

 _\- Epicurus_

What happens to us when we die?

 _I do remember a little bit of the ambulance ride, but not from my own body. It was seriously the strangest thing I have ever experienced. It could have been a dream, but I saw my own unconscious body, completely flatlined, in the ambulance. I remember the EMT who was in the ambulance with me - whom I did not see before I passed out - and the next thing I saw was a giant wall of light. It stretched up, down, left and right as far as I could see. Kind of like putting your eyes 6" from a fluorescent lightbulb. The next memory I have is waking up in the hospital._

Reincarnation refers to the belief that an aspect of every human being continues to exist after death. This aspect may be the soul or mind or consciousness or something transcendent which is reborn in an interconnected cycle of existence; the transmigration belief varies by culture, and is envisioned to be in the form of a newly born human being, or animal, or plant, or spirit, or as a being in some other non-human realm of existence.

The reason I mention this is still unreal to me. You're asking why? Well, I was born into the Naruto-universe. A big surprise, isn't it? Just imagine how surprised I was when I worked that one out.

 _I was reincarnated._

I was not, as you might have gathered, pleased about my conclusion about where I was at. In fact, I doubted there were many other places I would've rejected more wholeheartedly than the place I had come to inhabit. Why the hell was I reborn into the Naruto-universe in the first place? Shouldn't I have been reincarnated into an infant on Earth? That certainly would have made more sense to me.

It was hard to come to terms with, at first. This universe was _terrifiying_ after all. Children were trained from a very young age to be able to kill an enemy with the flick of a wrist. Sure, as a reader/viewer, it was incredibly easy to forget that as you watched our bumbling, excited orange mess of a main character reach for his dream, spreading word of peace and friendship as he went - the Naruto-verse wasn't a kind place.

 _A second chance at life._

Considering the circumstances, it's more of a curse than a gift.

When I was alive in my old world, I read my share of articles on children who claimed that they could remember bits and pieces from a 'past life'. This made me wonder. Did all reincarnated people remember their past life and then just slowly lose those memories over time? Am I doomed to face the same fate?

Somewhere up there, the gods were laughing at me.

I was a grown woman, once - sure, I was immature and bratty at times and probably never would be a proper responsible adult - but now I had to be a little girl _all over again._

But well, I guess whatever happened was done and over with. I had to force myself to accept that and live my new life as Kazuko Namiashi to the fullest.

* * *

When I awoke at the hospital, I was exhausted and felt like puking. I could barely even open my eyes when I unexpectedly felt someone grab ahold of me. Suddenly, I was lifted and carried with ease. I don't remember ever being that light?

I didn't understand, as if my brain short-circuited and needed to be rebooted. I tried to lift my head up but I couldn't move.

 _What was happening?_

Panic began to bubble up in my chest as my instincts told me to scream. So, I did.

My scream came out as a shrill wail and I felt tears forming in my eyes as I felt my face grow red and hot. I've never screamed like that before. The realization somehow frightened me even more and caused me to wail louder.

It may seem odd that I, as an adult woman (in mind), started crying like a little girl. But I was overpowered by the instincts of the little body I inhabited.

I heard a high-pitched foreign voice speak towards me, at least I thought, and I felt my chest make contact with another warm body as someone gently patted my back. I was being comforted. The question was by whom? I was sure that I would have recognized my mom, dad or even a friend of mine comforting me. So, why and who was this person holding me and where the hell was I at?

The stranger began to softly whisper something in a language that I had no knowledge of. Albeit it seemed very familiar to me, I couldn't make out a single word that was said. So I was confused, helpless and trapped with no method of communication. _Great._

Something that felt like hands caressed my face and I was pulled into a tight embrace. I stared hard at the person that was holding me but I could barely make out lights and silhouettes. Suddenly, exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks and before I knew it I was back into the darkness.

* * *

The first few months of my new life took some time for me to get used to. No, not only me. It probably took some time for _everyone_ who got in contact with me to get used to as well because I had no doubt that I came off as an odd child. I wasn't supposedly acting like children my age. I mean, I was trying not to dance out of the row but, honestly? There were lots of signs indicating that something was wrong with me. To make it short, I'm just gonna list two or three of the most obvious ones.

Sign #1: If you were to glance at me, nine out of ten times, the sight that would meet you would be that of a normal child, babbling nonesense to itself whilst observing the world around with an inquisitive eye. However, if your gaze managed to meet me at that inopportune tenth time, you might witness my curious eyes focusing on people and conversations with just a tad too much intensity for that of a child.

Sign #2: I never cried when I was hungry, bored or when I dirtied myself and those damned diapers. I usually just scrunched my nose and frowned - the smell was usually what made my parents aware that I had spoiled myself.

Sign #3: I understood simple concepts faster than my peers. It was easy for me to grasp on new words, to understand what was said when someone spoke to, around or about me and to repeat said things all over again without any trace of an accent from my former life.

Learning to speak correctly and fluently again was my best bet right now. Why? Because I wanted to regain the freedoms long lost because of this... let's just call this an unpleasant situation I was stuck in.

So basically, whenever I was alone in my crib, I would practise and whisper words out loud until I got them down. You should have seen Shinju's, my 'new' mother's face, when she walked into my room one day to check on me, as she heard me babble some words out of my mouth.

"Okaa-san? Okaa-san. Okaa-san!" The second I realized that I could speak, I grew very happy and shouted the word over and over again.

Shinju instantly rushed towards the crib I was sitting in, with her mouth agape.

"Kazu-chan! D-did you just talk?" She asked with amazement.

I nodded my head and shrieked. "Okaa-san!"

"You can talk!" Shinju cheered, clasping her hands together.

Her bright blue eyes found mine and I laughed, as only a baby can laugh a sweet sound unblemished by the hurts of life. Her pretty face glowed from a light within as her fingers grasped my miniature ones, and held tight.

She knew. Somehow it felt like she knew I needed comfort in the dead silence of night, she knew I needed joy in the midst of my pain.

I know it might sound stupid, but it was lonely being a toddler. I was raw, hurting and she was patient, caring, no matter what. The love she showed was a new thing to me, though I'd given it to others I'd never felt it poured over me like a salve. Shinju was the only person I interacted with. She fed me, changed me and gave me all the affection I needed. It's impossible to rely on someone like that and not come to love them.

After finding out that I was given another chance of life - even though I don't know why I still remembered my old one, I went through a phase of depression and anxiety. I was still alive, while my parents and siblings are in a totally different realm. And I knew I'd never be able to see them again. Being dead would have been a totally different experience because I would have been able to watch down on my family from above. I would have listened to their prayers and wouldn't have to worry about them like crazy. How were they handling my death? Did they get over it already? Did they even miss me anymore? Or were they looking at the sky, smiling sadly, thinking I was in a better place, in heaven, now?

What would they think, if they knew I was actually reincarnated in a world _full of assassins_?

Sadly, this was my new life now. At least until I died again, just to find myself within another body in a different universe or officially in heaven (or hell). So with the help and affection of Shinju, I got my act together and decided to make the best out of the whole situation.

* * *

It wasn't until I was almost a year old when I became aware of a soft thrum inside of me. Instinctively I knew it was there, and that it was good and a part of me. Chakra is created when two other forms of energy, known collectively as one's "stamina", are moulded together. Physical energy is collected from each and every one of the body's cells and can be increased through training, stimulants, and exercise. Spiritual energy is derived from the mind's consciousness and can be increased through studying, meditation, and experience. These two energies becoming more powerful will in turn make the created chakra more powerful. Therefore, practising a technique repeatedly will build up experience, increasing one's spiritual energy, and thus allowing more chakra to be created. As a result, the ninja is able to do that same technique with more power. This same cycle applies for physical energy, except the ninja needs to increase their endurance instead.

Due to my adult mind, I had more spiritual energy than others my age. As a consequence, my chakra coils were turned upside down and I was painfully aware as they developed and grew within me. Everyone else had been born with chakra, was used to it and passed it off as something that had always been there. I'd never felt anything like it before. Because of that, I could always instinctively tell wherever it was. For me, getting a hold of the streams of chakra felt more like grasping thick ropes instead of water. So I started to kind of play with it. I pulled at the chakra, drew it through my coils and pushed it towards my feet or to my hands, then tried to hold it there. Sometimes I used more chakra and sometimes less, it depends on how much energy you are willing to lose. Just moving chakra around your own body can be very tiring at times so I often ended up sleeping for hours.

It didn't take really long afterwards, when my first birthday party was held. It was a relatively small gathering with only a few adults attending and giving me some presents, mostly toys to play with. However, it did surprise me that I was the only toddler there, since I would have thought that there would be at least some parents to come with their own children for a little play-party. I wasn't complaining though, not even one bit.

As I sat on Shinju's lap, I silently observed the people in the room, moving my head while doing so and came to a sudden halt when I saw a fair-skinned girl of slender build, looking at me with those very unique eyes of hers. Red in colour, with an additional ring in them. I frowned a little, wondering why she seemed so familiar. I shifted slightly in my mother's lap when I noticed the headband, proudly displayed on her forehead. I've seen it before. Or more precisely, I've seen it in a manga and on TV.

I shook my head in denial, trying to suppress the need to cry. This girl, maybe eight or nine years old, was none other than Kurenai Yūhi.

 _I landed in the Naruto-universe._

Shinju studied me with concern radiating from her eyes. "Kazu-chan," she started, "Aren't you feeling we-,"

It seemed like she followed my gaze because as soon as she noticed the girl standing there, idly shifting from one foot to another, Shinju stood up and walked over to her with myself held firmly in her arms.

"Kurenai," She smiled once she reached the raven-haired girl, "You didn't visit since you graduated from the academy a few months ago. How is it going?"

Kurenai laughed sheepishly. "Fine, I guess, but I've been kept pretty busy because of the-", she paused and motioned with her hand, seemingly trying to find the right words for further clarification.

Shinju just sighed in understanding, "Yes, I can only imagine. The war has been raging on for a while now." She said sombrely, tightening her grip around me.

I perked up at this instantly.

Kurenai looked fairly young to me and unless she didn't use a genjutsu to make herself appear younger, she should be more or less around eight years old. Given that she is the same age as Kakashi, Asuma and the other future Jounin sensei of the Rookie 9, I could only guess pretty well what kind of time zone I was in. It made sense. The war, I mean. Wow, that probably sounded _very_ stupid.

I let out a frustrated sigh.

That didn't mean however, that the world around me was 'canon'. Obviously, I was here which means that many other things could be different as well.

In chaos theory, the butterfly effect is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state. In other words, chaos is the science of surprises, of the nonlinear and the unpredictable. It teaches us to expect the unexpected. Problem is however, I don't want to expect the unexpected.

I want to live a peaceful life, where everything can be neatly organised and planed out in advance. I'm not really the bring-it-on type of person - when life gives me lemons, I chuck 'em back and demand chocolate. This was a world where only the strong and lucky survived. The life of a ninja was rough and dangerous. But I had played it safe before to no avail. And there was no guarantee that playing it safe would safe me anyway.

I pulled myself out of my thoughts and gave the best I'm-an-innocent-little-girl-don't-mind-me look I could manage. Once again, I have no doubt that I came off as an odd child.

Then I poked my mother to catch her attention. "War...?", I muttered with a frown, silently hoping that I could get some more information out of her.

Shinju and Kurenai exchanged worried glances. I wasn't quite sure if they did so because I, an one year old toddler, picked up on this whole war-thing even though I shouldn't or because of how missplaced a frown looked on my childish face.

It was probably a disturbing mixture of both.

Shinju gulped, "Sweetheart, -", she started but faltered when Kurenai suddenly chimed in "You don't have to worry about anything Kazuko-chan! You see this headband with the leaf symbol engraved on it?" She pointed at said item for more emphasis.

I blinked in surprise but nonetheless nodded for her to go on.

"- It shows that I'm a Shinobi of Konohagakure. As such, I'm going to protect you and the village with my life if I have to!" she declared proudly with so much confidence, just as if she had to explain to me that water is wet.

Shinju just chuckled at her antics, "I'm sure you will."

Kurenai puffed her cheeks at that. "Anyway," she said, "I came here to give little Kazuko-chan a gift from Raidō. That idiot is too busy to show up himself and I had a debt to repay him, so here- ", she muttered while she grabbed something out of the pouch around her hip. She handed me a little box with a nice red ribbon on top of it.

I grabbed the box with my chubby little fingers but struggled to get a firm grip around it. While trying to prevent it from falling, I tucked the box under my small shirt and wrapped my arms around it to make its position more stable. After completing the task, I grinned at my own accomplishment and looked up to see Kurenai observing me with a slight frown on her face.

"Today is her first birthday, right?" Kurenai asked a little unsure.

Shinju didn't tense, no, but there was a careful note to her voice that I would have missed if I hadn't been listening for it. "Why the question?"

"Because she seems smart," she said promptly. "At least for her age," Kurenai sighed heavily and theatrically. "She'll be a threat to the Nara clan if she continues to pick things up this pace."

I gulped.

I knew this was meant to be a joke but I predicted that something like this would be said sooner or later. And I was kind of hoping for later. Or never. I guess it was my own fault for not trying harder to hold myself back. But who could really blame me for that? What were toddlers doing anyway? Besides sleeping, eating and taking a shit? Nothing.

Shinju chuckled. "She is a bright child, yes, but it's not that uncommon in Konoha-", she said carefully while looking at me in a thoughtful manner.

"You're right." the raven-haired girl replied and let the topic drop.

Well, that was surprisingly _easy_.

"Anyway, I have to get moving or else I'm going to be late for my next training session." Kurenai explained.

"But before I go, Kazuko-" I met her gaze. "Raidō dragged Asuma-kun and me through the whole village to find a suitable present for you." The girl grimaced at the memory, "I hope you like it!"

I blinked. Why does the name sound so familiar? _Raidō. Raidō.. Raidō…_

All of a sudden, there was a switch flipped in my brain and I felt like a complete idiot.

Raidō was present at the meeting where the Third Hokage announced the news of Hayate Gekkō's death, right? He is a Jounin of Konoha who serves as an elite bodyguard to the Hokage. Or he will. Doesn't matter. His surname is Namiashi too. Does this mean that we're in some sort related to each other? As far as I know, no information about his family has ever been disclosed, which made it much likely.

Unexpectedly, I felt someone squeeze my hand and it struck me then that I forgot to take a call.

I blushed a little but smiled a cheeky grin and nodded, "Thwanks, Onee-chan" I blabbered before she patted my head with a wink and left in a whirl of leaves.

"Why can't Shinobi use the door like everyone else does?" Shinju asked desperately with a sigh.

* * *

 ** _Three years later_**

* * *

The rain poured down on my shoulders. The grey clouds that loomed overhead darkened the area around, causing it to look like it was late in the afternoon rather than the middle of the day. My clothes were completely soaked, my hair was dripping water everywhere and I didn't care. Not one bit. A little water could never hurt you – rather it seemed to soothe me.

I licked my lips to get some water off them as a flash of lightning danced in the sky. I angled my head up so I could look out for more. Suddenly my foot slipped out from under me, sliding forward with alarming speed as it knocked me off balance.

"How many times have I told you to watch your step?" Shinju said, holding me up by the edge of my sweater.

I lowered my gaze in shame. "Sorry Kaa-chan..." I muttered, secretly cursing in my mind. It's not easy to walk with those tiny little legs of mine. Over the first year of my new life, I've developed my muscle strength and coordination, and have mastered one physical feat after another, from rolling over to sitting to crawling or scooting.

Once I nailed these skills, I was ready to move on to pulling myself up to a standing position and even cruising around a room while holding on to furniture for support. After that, it's been a matter of gaining the confidence and balance to set out on my own.

Learning to walk takes a lot of practice, which can go on for a long time. And mastering it is a major advance in my struggle to become more independent again.

Because of that, Shinju decided to finally let me leave the house for once. But instead of walking me to the playground, as I expected her to do, we were on our way to the cemetery.

I remember reading once that each of us has two deaths. The first is when we pass away. For a time our families remember us and reminisce. But with each subsequent generation, the memory of us becomes blurry. In time we are completely forgotten and that is our second death. By taking the time to visit the cemetery where your loved one is buried, you are paying your respects. It's a way to honor who they were and all that they did for you. Funny how we rush about during the holidays to buy presents and attend parties but often overlook this simple act of paying our respects and giving thanks to the ones who helped shape us.

It didn't take long to walk to the cemetery. A little longer, maybe, to find the headstone designated for Daisuke Namiashi, my biological father.

The graveyard in Konoha was so neat. Row upon row of white marble tombstones, all rising from the manicured grass. They stood erect in silence, to the left and right, in front and behind. Each one was perfect, polished and exactly the same as all of the others, except the name it bore. They were lined up perfectly with those in front and behind, a city block for the dead. Upon the hill a new grave had been dug to await its new occupant. Spiked, black fences surrounded the graveyard, trees leaning towards the stones, branches reaching out to each other. Almost like it was a prison. Gravel paths weave through the maze of graves, allowing passers-by to pay their respects to the people lined up in the earths embrace.

"Your father would have hated this place."

I looked up to Shinju, trying to read her expression. It was almost scary how she stood there, eyes cold and empty, not quite as if she was the one buried under the cold stone in front of us. A knitted blue scarf, hung around her neck loosely and it flew as the billowing wind brushed through her wet auburn hair.

"Your father, who loved everything eccentric and unique… who loved to be impulsive and could never be still a moment-", her voice cracked.

I took a step closer to her, her hand now in mine, and let her get drawn into her memories.

"He should have been safe away from the battlefield…but there was an explosion and he was given a shinobi's grave. Now he lies in this exalted place-" Shinju explained. A teardrop rolled by her cheek. Once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream, blending in with the rain.

Slowly, I bent down to read the gold lettering - Daisuke Namiashi - at eye level and laid the white roses down. I once read that a bouquet of white rose is a perfect way to say, "I'm thinking of you", so we bought them at the Yamanaka-flower shop shortly before it started to rain.

Shinju brushed away her tears with the back of her hand and put her other hand on the back of my shoulder.

"Kazu-chan?"

I 'hmm'ed.

"Look at all those stones, sweetie-"I slowly cast my gaze from one tombstone to another. "Each one represents a life. Marriages, divorces, losses, financial struggles, successes. We all, shinobi and civilian alike, spend our lives trying to avoid this place… but death is inevitable. I guess the trick is to live a good life." She explained cautiously.

"What is a good life?" I asked, curious to hear her answer to that.

Shinju paused and looked up towards the cloudy sky. The rainfall became less intense. At first, so much rain was falling that the sound blurred into one long, whirring noise. It reminded me of the rotor blades on a helicopter. Eventually, the noise lessened as well and the drops faded into a musical chime.

I thought she wasn't going to answer but then-

"A good life is one in which we feel loved. We take comfort in connection with others. The warmth that comes from connection makes us stronger. If we don't feel alone in the world, we feel safer."

I closed my eyes and nodded slowly at her, carefully absorbing every single word she said.

An explosion of birdsong erupted from the dripping trees and it was as if the rain had never been. Then the sun came out again, casting slanted beams of light across the meadow. Steam rose slowly from the grass. It rose up eerily and drifted mist-like towards the molten-gold sun. The image was so vivid that it stayed with me all the way home.

 **This is my very first story so please don't hate the terribleness of it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**WARNING: Blood & Death. **

* * *

**Waiting for Sunrise**

 **Chapter 2: _Childhood Arc_  
**

 _ **Kyuubi Attack**_

 _The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything._

 _\- Albert Einstein_

 _The Ninja of the Hidden Leaf stood anxiously on the rooftops of the village, some panting, others wounded as they looked to the Hokage Rock, where Minato Namikaze, the Fourth, had already changed into his combat uniform to lend his assistance and to lead the village's defence. The Nine-Tails immediately noticed his presence and attacked with a Tailed Beast Ball, which he sent away with his Flying Thunder God: Guiding Thunder, a contribution noticed by the Ino–Shika–Chō as they headed into battle. Minato attempted to locate Hiruzen so that he could tell him what happened, but he was stopped by Tobi. Tobi started to teleport Minato away, but Minato used his own teleportation to escape._

Meanwhile, the village had quickly mobilised its forces against the beast while hurrying civilians and the younger ninja out of danger as quickly as possible. People's shrieks of fear followed the attacks; on the other hand, the sounds that came from _shinobi_ were controlled. They were shouting commands and orders as though they had prepared and suspected this mess to happen. Yet for everyone else, the Fox had appeared out of nowhere in the dead of the night, right in the centre of the village with a sudden explosion of its chakra as its only warning.

But I, knowing what was bound to happen on the 10th of October, was mentally prepared for this - only mentally because I wasn't going to kid myself into thinking that I could change anything that was going to happen tonight.

Just in case you were wondering – yes, I honestly felt guilty for keeping all the knowledge I held, a secret from everyone else. But who would believe me if I stated that I could see things before they happened because I watched them on TV a few years ago when I lived in another world? People would just shrug it off and call me crazy, label me as a weird kid with a bright imagination. And not to mention when everything I said was going to happen, actually happened, who's to say they won't attack and torture me for knowing? Or that they wouldn't get someone from the Yamanaka clan to browse through my mind like I was _google for shinobi_ or a _fortune telling machine_? No one.

Instead I'd focus small, try to handle whatever fell into my path, and most of all I'd keep my mouth _shut_. As I lay in bed, thinking about these things, I felt panic begin to fill in my chest. I tossed around and turned for a few minutes before I sat up in frustration. I needed to let off some steam to stop myself from worrying and overthinking things. I silently slid out of my bed, changed out of my pyjamas and into my usual outfit. I believed a little sneaking out to take a deep breath of fresh night-air would help to sort out my thoughts and be the remedy to my problems.

I was aware of the fact that going out, even though I knew what was about to happen any moment now, probably sounded utterly stupid, but I eventually would have had to leave the house anyway to avoid getting killed by its debris. I just had to make sure, not to stray off too far to be able to return home fast and pick Shinju up before chaos breaks loose.

I silently slid open my window, grabbed a blanket and crawled out, landing on the ground a few feet below. After making sure that no one was straying around, I let out a shaky sigh before I looked up at the night-sky. It plunged into a sinister darkness. The moon under siege by stars seemed to lighten the night bringing forth stars that shone and hung in the blackness. The milky speckles twirled and danced along the sky in various patterns, tugging at the corners of my lips in a way that almost made me smile.

I walked down the cracked sidewalk, when I detected a change in the air and suddenly felt something ominous. Mere moments after I'd sensed the chakra, the Nine-Tails had arrived in a great plume of smoke and began to mindlessly destroy the village. Everything became a haze after a number of explosions because my senses dulled once that disgusting chakra permeated the air. The chakra was so thick, dark and overwhelming. It was swimming through everything.

I pushed past the feeling of bile in my throat, rushed towards the main entrance to our apartment as fast as I could and stormed through the door.

"Mom!" I called fearfully, clutching at my chest, trying to stave off the crushing feeling inside. "A-are you here?"

Given no reply, I made quick work of searching every room around. My attempt to turn on the lights proved to be pointless. We were cut off from electricity.

I groaned in frustration because, honestly? I should have seen that one coming. Annoyed with this whole situation, I gathered a small amount of chakra into my hand and with a great enough concentration of it, I managed to create a faint, kind of ghostly light while I continued my search.

Under normal circumstances, I would have just located my mother through chakra-sensing. It was easy to do so because Shinju had a rather unique chakra signature in comparison to other civilians, which made it even easier to find her in a crowd. But chakra-sensing was no option now. The chakra of the Nine-Tails was just too powerful to even take that into consideration.

After some time I gave up the hope of finding Shinju inside the apartment. It was getting me nowhere, so I left it with gritted teeth. Once I'd made it back through the door, I threw a sharp look around me to analyse my surroundings. There wasn't much to see except for the dust and black smoke that covered the previously clear night-sky. The only sources of light were the fires that had erupted from broken gas pipes underground. Though the ground glistened like rain had fallen, the liquid that shone wasn't clear but red. There were shrieks of fear and agony, blood and splintered glass was strewn across the street.

Just a couple of minutes ago, not a single soul was to be seen far and wide. Now, everyone got out of their homes and was running for their _lives_.

For what seemed like an eternity to me - really only a few seconds - I stood perfectly still, transfixed by the sight in front of me. The satisfaction of security suddenly seemed like nothing but a distant memory. Each second submerged in fear made a permanent mark on my heart, and a vivid imagination made me wonder whether it was my mind playing tricks or reality.

I tried to calm myself by taking deep breaths and clearing my thoughts but my mind swarmed with so many questions. _Where is Shinju? Why wasn't the door locked when I got in? When did she leave the apartment? How could I have missed that? Surely, I wasn't that distracted, right? What if something happened to her?_

At this point I realized how much I regretted my decision to have done nothing against all this chaos.

I should have been announcing to all of Konoha about the masked man, should have told them about Madara, should have warned the Hokage and his wife, should have told them everything. But I didn't. It was insanely selfish of me. Important lives could be saved if I did spill, but at what price? Things would change and all of my knowledge would become useless. I didn't even know if things would change for the better or worse. With my luck, things would go bad if I tried something anyway.

While I beheld everything in front of me, there was a profound sense of worthlessness that settled inside me. I was not important. I wasn't one of the main characters, who always managed to escape death in miraculous ways l couldn't even think of. I was a mere civilian, nothing more, nothing less. I could die right at the spot and less than a handful of people would even care about it.

That reminder jolted me from confidence in my self-identity. There was a greater, transcendental force at work that I was not part of. I actually didn't know anything of this world because I didn't _belong_ here.

I shook my head. _No._ I had to stop thinking like that and focus on finding my Mom and getting to a safe zone, away from the fray. With a clear goal in mind, I started to run. I don't know where I was headed; I just ran and tried to look for a familiar looking mane of auburn hair while doing so.

Little time passed and I could feel the knot tightening in my throat as I dashed through the streets. My lungs were on fire and my heart was about to beat out of my chest. It was a strange sensation, I discovered, being so excruciatingly pained but unable to stop moving. My bones felt like they were made of lead, but my chakra forced them to continue to work with my strained muscles and had me carry on through the shadows of the night.

I came to a halt at once as an unknown voice barked from one of the rooftops above me.

"This is an announcement from the Leaf Police!" I perked up immediately. "All civilians are to evacuate to the southeast shelter!" he continued. My shoulders sagged and a bad feeling slowly spread in my guts.

I heard the man repeat "The southeast shelter!" two or three more times after that before he got out of my earshot. I barely managed to round the corner before I slammed into someone and was rammed headlong to the ground.

I moaned from the pain that was caused by the collision on several parts of my body.

''I'm sorr-'' I started, but stopped abruptly when the innocent giggling of an infant reached my ears.

 _An infant?_ Confused, I furrowed my brows and looked up to see a boy around my age with short jet-black hair and onyx eyes looking straight back into my own. He had a pretty, pointed face, almost femininely sensitive, which was framed with strands that extended to his chin at the sides. The boy wore a loose black t-shirt with dark grey three quarter length pants. He also wore these ugly open toed sandals that every single shinobi seemed to wear in this world, indicating that he came from a clan or a family of shinobi.

Yet, the surprising thing about this little guy was the tiny, pink bundle of life that he held firmly in his arms. It had a small tuff of spiky black hair topping its head and was further secured by a sling wrapped around the boy's neck. The giggling of the infant was certainly what startled me the most. In situations like that, when your village was being under attack by a _beast_ , when its evil chakra buzzed through the air and people screamed out of fear, a baby should be crying its vocal cords out by now. It certainly shouldn't be laughing.

Unexpectedly the unknown boy hesitantly held up his free hand in offering. "Take it." he insisted.

His eyes lasered into my own, and for a moment, I felt myself pinned down, like an insect under a microscope. I stared at him with the same intensity - because dude, I was planning to win this staredown - but reached for his hand anyway before I nodded once in acknowledgement. For a half second, the both of us just stood there awkwardly, but then the boy in front of me decided to speak up.

"How did you do it?" he asked. His voice was calm and composed but the curiosity in his eyes betrayed him.

I wrinkled my nose. "What do you mean?" How did I do _what?_

"My little brother, Sasuke, stopped crying the instant you came into view. Even I didn't manage to calm him, let alone make him smile again." He explained, and there was something subtly different in his voice. Something rather harsh. It could have been my imagination playing tricks on me but for a second I thought there was a hint of _jealousy_ I heard out?

"Huh?" Well, that sounded intelligent.

I tried to look at him as neutral as possible but I couldn't stop myself from staring at the boy in front of me as if he'd grown a second limb during our conversation. I shook my head to avoid the headache that was threatening to launch when I slowly started to wrap my head around the boy's words. He said that his little brother's name was the same as…

" _No it can't be._ " Inner-me shrieked.

I had to be mistaken.

"W-what...was your little brother's name a-again?" I stuttered out. I just had to ask him to be absolutely certain that I made no wrong assumptions.

As I looked into his eyes I could feel him searching deep into my soul. "Sasuke", he responded finally.

 _No._

It was as if my brain has stopped working like some sort of emergency shut down. There was zero thinking going on in my head. My eyes and mouth were frozen wide open in an expression of stunned surprise as I tried to shake myself out of my stupor.

 _Kyuubi attack. Little boy on the run with this baby named Sasuke. Ebon-haired and pale-skinned just like…just like an Uchiha. But not just any Uchiha. This was Itachi Uchiha._

Needless to say, I screamed. Or rather, I _attempted_ to scream because I had choked on the air rushing out of my throat and started coughing. While I really wanted to fangirl for actually seeing one of my favourite characters ever in person, I knew I couldn't. This was neither the right place nor the right time for it.

A touch of sadness and pity went through me as I looked at the innocent - and quite puzzled - expression on the face of the Uchiha heir. He was still just a child. There was nothing about him that even remotely suggested that this would be the man... That this kid would be forced into a position to slaughter his entire family. It was...unsettling, really.

Sure, following his death, Itachi's motives were revealed to be more complicated than they seemed and that his actions were only ever in the interest of his brother and village. But still. What were the chances that this was a world where nothing would go wrong? That this child in front of me would never have to grow up to choose between his village and his clan?

"Are you alright? Your face flushed while you freaked out." Itachi pointed out.

Shoving those thoughts away, I let out a shaky sigh and crept a bit backwards. "I-I'm fine," I retorted, pouting all the while, "and just to have said it once; I didn't freak out." Shooting him an irritated look, I turned my face away from him with a loud huff.

The Uchiha heir raised a brow and I could see the scepticism wafting off of him.

"Anyway," I started, "You should-"

"Dad! Mom!" someone cried, followed by a bloodcurdling scream.

I shuddered. _Wow._ It was the kind of sound that bypassed your logical thinking and went direct to your emotional response. This was unmistakably the scream of a child and a young one.

It seemed as if Itachi recognized the voice, because as soon as he heard it, his head jerked up and he took off to the direction the cry came from full pelt. I followed suit and was right on his heels as we both turned into a small darkened alleyway where a little girl, turned with her back towards us, was found. She stood alone on the sidewalk looking left and right, holding herself in a manner that suggested she'd like to disappear altogether. Every few steps she would stop and scream for her parents but her voice was just one in many. I took note of the red and white fan emblem imprinted on the back of her long-sleeved, high-collared purple shirt. She was an Uchiha.

"Come here!", Itachi screamed, voice ringing out clearly. The girl hesitated before she cautiously turned her head around. She had long brown hair bound in a ponytail with bangs framing her face and onyx eyes, with a mole under her right eye. Her ponytail was ragged, loose hair falling over her features that contorted with effort. There were tears tracking down her face, streaking lines across her dirty cheeks, probably from ash and dust.

As I watched her, I noticed that the girl wasn't focusing, eyes scanning without locking onto any one thing, almost daydream-like. She shifted her weight from her left to her right and back again every few seconds as if thinking of moving and yet choosing to remain still.

"Itachi-kun! And who…?" When she opened her mouth to speak the words came out fitfully, the sounds half swallowed by a sobbing noise.

Itachi held his free hand out, just waiting for her to grab it. "Hurry!" he said with a frown slowly forming on his face. "We need to go. _Now_." As if on cue, a bloodcurdling roar could be heard miles away from where we stood. It made my hair stand on end.

And then something clicked. My mind sang, _"You know this! You've seen this before!"_

For the briefest of moments I knew precisely what was to occur and without wasting a second thought, I crossed the distance between me and the helpless girl. I was about to drag her back to my original position next to Itachi, when an enormous explosion burst from the building next to us. It was as though a fist of orange flame had decided to punch its way out of the wall. Windows shattered. Smoke and fire rushed out. Thousands of pieces of glass and steel, a deadly rainfall, showered down. By pure instinct, I grabbed the girls extended wrist and yanked her out of the way of the fire and debris, filling the air with heat and dust. Twisting around, I'd pulled her to my side and wrapped my arm tightly around her. My heart was pounding like crazy. That had been really close.

Once we reached Itachi, the girl, Izumi - I remembered - gripped his shirt like it was her lifeline. "We're going to the shelter," he told her firmly, maintaining his composure. If there was any fear travelling in Itachi's veins, then he made sure to hide it extraordinarily well because it never made it to his facial muscles or skin. His complexion remained pale and matt, his eyes as steady as if he were shopping for shoes. He let out an understated sigh and turned towards me.

"Both of you, stay close to me." And when I looked into his eyes that moment, there had been a flicker of… gratitude. I nodded. "Yes," whispered the girl to my side before we took off down the road together. Her hand continued to grip his shirt as we ran.

While running among the rest of the retreating civilians, the streets lined with dead bodies. I gasped as my stomach churned at the horrifying sight. They lay like dolls on the streets, limbs at awkward angles and heads held in such a way that they cannot be sleeping. In my previous life, a death would have been headline news, to see a corpse would be something to seek the counsel of friends about - no longer. These bodies, once the repositories of people as alive as I am, were now abandoned shells. Death wasn't kind. I knew that. It snatched where it could, taking people who were far too young, far too good. It didn't pretend to care, it didn't pretend to distinguish.

Eventually, Itachi stopped and turned towards us. "Go ahead of me," he said.

Izumi's eyes widened as I looked at him in confusion. "Itachi-kun?"

"Everyone will be there," he continued.

"Will you be alright?" asked the girl next to me with concern radiating from every fiber of her being.

He gave her a firm nod. Nothing in his face betrayed his concerns or worries; it was a mask of defiance and surety.

"I will. Now go, hurry." Izumi released her grip on his shirt as Itachi pushed her gently ahead of him. After casting one last worried glance back at him, she reached for my hand and we took off.

* * *

By the time we were inside the shelter, surrounded by civilians, mostly women and children, Izumi finally stopped crying from exhaustion, but kept rubbing a fist over her eyes. I kept listening cautiously for the sounds of loud explosions and the roars of the Nine-Tails. I could still feel its extremely powerful chakra, even in the safety of the shelter and the miles between us. With every quake, the ground trembled and dust fell from the stony ceiling, causing everyone to whimper and protest. Just like Izumi, a lot of the kids had tears tracking down their dirty cheeks. You could hear people screaming for other people's names, or for help, or god's mercy.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my shins. Worry threatened to devour me entirely as I tried to stir my thoughts away from Shinju. It was all my fault. I lost her. If only I hadn't sneaked out. If only I stayed in my room, like the obedient child I was supposed to be. If only I had used my head like the adult I actually am. I wouldn't have to worry me sick about her. If anything happened to her…I already knew that I wouldn't be able to cope with that; I would never be able to forgive myself.

 _I could not un-do what I had done._

I let my head fall down to my knees, and I pulled my legs closer to me. The guilt was like gasoline in my guts. My insides died slowly in the toxicity, needing no more than a spark to set it ablaze. The fire burnt me out so badly there was nothing left but a shell, an outline of a person.

I wanted to scrub my head, but if I did I'd never learn from what happened. And it's true what they say, "Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it." And I couldn't bare that. So I gazed ahead of me and beheld Konoha burning.

I'll never forget those sounds of blazing fire lightning up the sky, people yelling in fear and the roar of this beastly creature.

"How do you do it?" I looked up, realizing that this was the second time today that I was asked this question. Izumi's voice was small, eyes hidden behind her bangs as she stared at the folded hands in her lap. "H-how do you manage to…be calm after all this?"

I hesitated and thought about it for a second but the answer already lay on my tongue. Before I knew it, it slipped out. "You know, I haven't told anyone-" I began gently, "that I'm just an old soul in a very young body."

She wore a puzzled expression, her mouth pursed but slightly open and loose. Her eyes were fixed as if she was looking at something a yard behind my head. I called her name. She blinked, refocused. Then she started to giggle. "You're weird." she stated and I pouted. I knew it would make her laugh. Even I would have laughed if it wasn't so sad.

 **And thus went the Kyuubi attack. Thank you for all the reviews and favs/follows.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Waiting for Sunrise**

 **Chapter 2:** _ **Childhood Arc**_

 _ **Kyuubi Attack**_

 _Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible — the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family._

 _\- Virginia Satir_

Konoha was still burning - not with the blazing flames of fire anymore, no, but with the growing feeling of grief and pain within all of us.

The smoke filled air gave us this halloween blood sun - how fitting. There won't be a need for damaged and tatty clothing, or fake dismembered limbs. There was no shortage of the real thing, of the blood that congeals and browns. The very air we breathed was pungent with the odour of the recently deceased and no one could figure out how we earned this ticket to hell. At least, no one but me I suppose.

The streets that once thronged with life stood silent, almost as if Konoha itself was mourning. The once smooth sandstone walls that made our village sunny, even when it was grey and overcast, were now riddled with holes. The crumbling stone lay ash-like on the ground, a cold dust over every blade of grass and leaf. There it would stay until the wind carried it away and the rain washed every little thing clean.

There are buildings in Konoha that were so beautiful and beloved that to see them in ruins, no more than a ragged pile of rubble in the once busy streets…When parts of your world – in my case; new world – that have stood for as long as you can remember, lie ruined at your feet it rocks you in a way you never imagined the loss of something inanimate would.

If this was some movie in my previous life, I'd feel frisson of excitement right now, but knowing there are personal effects in behind those walls, chosen by families that were now, either broken by losses or extinguished, I could feel my insides cool and spasm.

Gone were the food vendors and the women in their bright clothes selling goods from carts and baskets. Gone were the children who played amongst the crowds with their games and laughter. Gone were the stores with their windows of fine clothing or delicacies.

It was as if, on this terrible night, every single person in this village had lost something precious.

Hours after the Kyuubi Attack, most people were still in the evac shelters due to safety, organisational and psychological reasons. There were increased patrols, clean up duties, and whatever else had been produced by the attack. However, the priorities _now_ lay in finding out who was killed, how _many_ were killed and who needed immediate treatment due to serious injuries. The Third gave orders to every Chunin and Jounin respectively to help identify the dead and seal them away to hand them out to their families later on, once the time was right. If it was _ever_ right.

Whenever there was news about family members, those concerned were called out and mostly roughly inaugurated about what had happened to their loved ones. Often, they were told that mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters, daughters and sons were currently in a different evac shelter, or that they were taken to a hospital to treat serious injuries. More often, however, people came back with teary eyes, because a corpse was identified, and it had turned out to be a family member.

I shivered, suddenly feeling very cold.

"Kazuko Namiashi?" called a womanly voice out into the noise of the overfilled shelter.

 _Shit._ I raised my hand. "Here," I said in a raspy voice.

I could hear the familiar continual tap of a heel against the floor and my pulse rate shot up upon realizing what was nearing.

I saw the woman peering at me and tapping her clipboard simultaneously. I stood up almost too quick, sending a sharp searing pain along my ankle while getting up. Through the words that came out from her flawlessly outlined lips were inaudible amidst the tense atmosphere, I could clearly understand what I had to do.

I peered over to Izumi. The poor girl curled up into a tiny ball once she cried herself into sleep. There was a blanket on top of her, which I got from one of the Chunin running around to hand out diverse supplies to civilians. I laid some of nutrition bars I got next to her, a little bit under her blanket so she would see it once she wakes up as well as to keep it safe from thieves.

The woman in front of me coughed, looking at me in a manner that screamed 'hurry up, I've got work to do'. With a last glance back to the sleeping brunette, I took a step forward.

The walk to the, I named it 'interrogation room', felt almost non-existent as my mind filled with the million possibilities of what could await me in there.

As I approached the slightly open door of the room from which white light was pouring out through the crack, I found myself biting hard on my bottom lip, filling my mouth with the metallic taste of blood. I must have reopened the wound from earlier today.

"Please take a seat," said the woman in a gentle tone. At first I hesitated but then did as I was told. I just wanted to know what the heck was going on and leave this place.

"I can only imagine what goes through your mind right now but keep your head up. We may have lost the battle but the war isn't over yet." There was a determination shining in her eyes which lead me to sweat drop. _I almost envied her._

"You see-", she glanced towards the stack of sheets in her grip. "I've got good and bad news for you." I gulped. "Which would you like to hear first?'', she added.

"The good news-" _I guess._

"Very well. The good news is that a relative of yours came to pick you up." said the woman firmly.

Alright. So a relative came to pick me up? A relative. Couldn't she have been more precise? For as long as I could remember, there was only Shinju and me. Once in a while, some friend of hers came by to pay a visit. But that was it. How was I supposed to know who I should look out for once I'm out of here? Did they even check if this alleged relative of mine, really was who he/she gave out to be? What if it was some kind of sick impostor, taking advantage of this whole situation?

I stirred in my seat as I tried to regain my cool. I was probably interpreting too much into it again. I tend to do that a lot. Maybe it was really my mom? But then again, if it was Shinju picking me up, the woman would have said something along these lines. But she hasn't. And I'm too shaken up to ask.

Could today get any worse?

"Now to the bad news-" Yes, it could. "It has been reported that your mother, Shinju Namiashi, is that correct?"

I nodded eagerly.

"- has been send to the hospital. Apparently, she was found unconscious with a serious wound on her head. She probably suffered a concussion. Do you know what that is?" She asked.

I frowned at that and replied in a scowl. "Yeah I know." _Of course_ I know. What does she think I am? Stupid? A five year old?

"…", It struck me then that, yes, she actually thought that I was a five year old little girl. Darn it.

Anyway, it may sound harsh but I was actually glad that it was 'only' a concussion. In my mind, I've imagined much more terrible things.

I released a deep sigh. It was as if a tension had lifted yet left me with a melancholy instead of relief.

I looked back up at the woman, only to find her staring at me with mild curiosity. "Is there anything else I could help you with?"

I shook my head. "No", I muttered and swiftly stood up to leave the room. I just wanted to get out of here.

 **-x-**

The light was too bright for my eyes after the darkening gloom outside. I found it abrasive, enough perhaps to bring on one of my migraines. This hospital was nothing like the one I was used to from back home in my previous life, where the receptionist was more plastic than the water dispenser.

Here, there was no openness, no space, nothing shone or had the smell of disinfectant. The floor was uneven from so much traffic with both, feet and wheels, that it seemed darker than a mausoleum. There were no hand sanitizers on the walls. How they prevented the spread of germs here, I didn't know. Perhaps they didn't.

Reaching the double-doors with their plastic band fastened midway and their dull chrome handles, I pulled my eyes from the floor to catch a glimpse of the hallway that stretched beyond, cut into tiny squares by the thin wire in the window panels. Without pause I pushed with my body weight. It swung open soundlessly and with ease. A draft of air hit my face, warm and with a tincture of bleach.

Ahead of me lay magnolia walls, decorated with old black and white photographs of hospital staff - most likely deceased by now. _We_ weaved our way through the bustling crowds and slid off down the stairs.

Now, you may be wondering, who exactly the person accompanying me is, right? I'm just gonna cut it short. After everyone was free to leave the evac shelters almost twenty-four hours after my 'talk' with that woman, I was kidnapped, yes exactly, kidnapped by a boy with a fresh bandage around the centre of his face. There was still a little bit of blood getting through. I tried to scream for someone, anyone, to help me but he prevented me by pressing his rather big palm against my mouth. I couldn't make a single sound. After attempting to lick his hand to disgust him enough so he would remove his hand from my face - very mature by the way, I know - I gave up and decided to accept whatever was meant to happen next. I already lived one life after all so I didn't even really care anymore.

For a second I thought I heard him mutter 'thank god' but shrugged it off.

Now that I had a better look at my kidnapper - without being blinded by my fear – I'd recognized him. And how I'd recognized him. Remember when Kurenai brought me a present from someone called Raidō? Well, that was him.

That was so cool.

I already assumed that the generous Raidō from back when I turned one year old was the one from the series – the elite bodyguard of the Hokage –but some part of me didn't want to believe it.

I was kidnapped by family. Cute

After some time of him carrying me while jumping from one rooftop to another, he came to a sudden halt. I looked around to see where he led us when I noticed that this was the – now partly damaged – rooftop of the northwest hospital. The bandaged boy motioned me to follow.

"Shinju is stationed in room 208", was all he said before he disappeared behind the door to the staircase.

And that's how I ended up here; in this overfilled hospital.

Everyone in the halls had the same kind of harried and stressed expression on, like they'd had one cup of coffee to many, one hour of sleep too few and the end of the world was right around the corner.

Again and again I checked the numbers of the rooms on our way, until we arrived at the one we were looking for. Right next to us, at room number 208, was where Shinju lay.

I knocked on the door before I slowly opened it to take a peek. "Kaa-chan?" I asked.

Silence.

Once inside, I walked forward to see if mom was still asleep. To my surprise she was wide awake, looking out the window with a very distant look on her face.

"Kaa-chan?" I asked once again, this time a little louder than before.

A second passed before her bright blue eyes stared back into my own. Shinju's face lit up as relief washed over it. Her bottom lip quivered as tears started to pool down her cheek. Immediately, I closed the distance between us and held her in a tight embrace.

"I'm so glad", she sniffled and I was about to reply when suddenly there was a cough heard behind me.

"It's nice to see that you're doing fine. We were worried about you." said the deep voice of the person who has a liking for kidnapping.

I perceived a sound of surprise. "Raidō? I certainly didn't expect you to come here." There was something subtly different in Shinju's tone. It wasn't harsh, more like, hurt maybe?

"Ouch," Raidō said, holding his hand up his heart in mock pain. "You know I've been-"

"Busy.", interrupted Shinju. I gave a wince. His face, however, was carefully neutral.

"I know this excuse all too well." Shinju sighed and slowly released her grip on me.

I only cocked my head as silence slowly fell onto place. Just what the hell was going on? There was definitely something fishy here and I was dying to know what it was. But I didn't know how to address my concern.

Luckily enough, I was released from this task as Raidō began to mutter something under his breath.

"I didn't want it to end up like this. After his death-", the expression he made showed how difficult it was for him to find the right words. Shinju just looked encouraging and patiently at him.

"I was trying to find a way to cope. I buried myself under training and taking missions. So much that I blended out, how you must have felt alone with your daughter. I came here to apologise and if you allow, to give our family a second chance. From now on I will take care of you and Kazuko-chan, be a big brother to her." He said, his voice firm, yet gentle at the same time.

"The attack-" he spit that word out with anger, "made me realise what a coward I am. My brother loved you and cared deeply for you. Instead of protecting both of you as I should have I-" he took a deep breath, "I ran away."

Shinju and I exchanged worried glances. I never would have thought that this conversation would take a turn like that. And by the looks of it neither had Shinju. She slipped out of bed and walked past me. Raidō just looked at her in confusion, opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. Standing in front of him, Shinju leaned down a bit, grabbed him by his shoulders and looked deep into his eyes.

"I thought I'd lost you," she said with a trembling voice, "You don't owe me an apology, Raidō, I'm just glad you came back to your senses. That's all I wanted." Shinju let go of her tears and hugged him gently, almost as if he were to break if she squeezed too tightly.

"I wouldn't mind having a big brother" I chimed in. "As long as I can annoy him." I added with a sly smile.

Shinju let go of him, giggling as Raidō threw me a half-hearted glare which said 'don't you dare'.

I looked at the two of them and the relieved expression they made. It was obvious that they had to face a lot of difficulties and I was glad that they could solve this issue before it escalated to a degree where their bond would have been irreparably broken.

 **I'm sorry for the long hiatus. There have been a whole lot of changes in my life and I just needed some time to adjust myself. It turned out to be rather short but I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**


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